I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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