Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
