I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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