Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
