yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
