biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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