My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
