Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
