sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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