Having a random hookup so left but love u
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
