is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize