I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
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