I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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