CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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