peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
