If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
