May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
