My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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