Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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