I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
