At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
