Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize