Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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