DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
