I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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