She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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