I got chris browned last night
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize