You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
