awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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