she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
