i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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