My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
