just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
