Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
