that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
