Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
