Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize