Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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