Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
