she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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