Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Don't make out with my wife yet
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
