Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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