My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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