At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
