i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
