so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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