some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
