i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
