Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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