so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
