Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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