Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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