i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize