i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
