I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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