Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
