You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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