Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize