We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
