i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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