Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize