Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
