I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
